Sticks and Stones

     An acquaintance of mine said a pretty hurtful thing to me tonight.  After hearing that I write this blog, getting a very brief overview of what I blog about, and undoubtedly misunderstanding what I was telling her, she said, “Don’t you have anything better to do?”

     Coming from this lady, a blunt, ignorant, hurtful comment such as this was not a surprise.  Usually I try (hard) to let her remarks roll off me, but this one really smarted.  I’ve always been the kind of sensitive, emotional person that cares about what people think and — even if I don’t like the person — let their opinions affect how I feel.  

     I didn’t even try to explain to her what this blog means to me.

     She will never know that this blog is a lifeline between myself and my immediate family living 400 miles away.  Even though we don’t talk nearly as much as I would like, my dad or my brother or my best friends can check in on purple pixie any time of the day or night and see what Violet and I have been up to this day.  

     This lady obviously doesn’t see how similar this blog is to the scrapbooks that she works to create on the occasional Tuesday night.  I cherish the record of our incredibly ordinary days — days that I would surely forget the precious details of within a week.  Sometimes I find myself running from one task to the other, leaving things unfinished because something more pressing comes up.  This blog is a permanent reminder of all the wonderful moments that my often-hazy mind would otherwise lose.  I love re-reading past posts.

     She doesn’t understand that I often go days without seeing more than two other people.  I love it when strangers click “like” on my blog and I become nearly ecstatic when they leave comments.  (ask my husband) 

     How could she know that when I was younger, all I did was write?  Poems, short stories, novellas…  I filled notebook after notebook with words.  My dream was to be a writer when I “grew up.”  Somewhere the writer in me got lost.  I all but stopped writing.  Maybe I was (am) afraid.  Afraid of writing what I really wanted to write.  Afraid of what those damn “other people” would think.  I am still struggling with that one.  But this blog is slowly helping me to learn how to write again.

     This acquaintance of mine will never know any of these reasons why I blog.  In the instant after her words struck and stung me, I felt a sharp stab of anger and then… acceptance.  I counted the moments until I was home again with laptop on and humming.  I don’t have anything “better” to do, so I’m going to blog about it!


15 responses to “Sticks and Stones

  1. I just got a little sting in my nose reading this–the tell-tale sign of tears headed soon. I haven’t your experience with regard to blogging (mainly bc so few people I actually “know” know that I started a blog), but a friend recently said to me, “You’ve got too much time on your hands, huh?” when she saw something I did for my little girl–it hurt and I was upset and I started a blog post draft about it:)—rambling, but I want you to know that so many of us understand how you feel in some way. I say, “You Go, Girl!” Keep that lovely extra connection to your distant family and friends open. Your blog is a delight and I am so very glad I am now a follower.

    I’m sending you a little hug from a stranger, but letting you know that I completely feel ya. Heck, you might read about my little experience soon enough…the writing sure does help heal…

    • Thank you, Danielle. That sting is in my nose, too. Funny, huh?
      There was a line I typed — and subsequently deleted — when I was talking about strangers commenting. It went something like, “And I feel like I have a new friend that’s a stranger.” Or something like that. You’re one of ’em.
      I accept the hug, and send another right back at ya! 🙂

      p.s. I’ll be watching for your cathartic post.

  2. Knowing how much this blog means to you I understand how this must have made you feel. I don’t think this acquaintance meant to hurt you but i agree one could never make the person understand your feelings. The fact of your pausing and accepting the situation rather than retaliating shows you to be the more mature person.

  3. I am sorry that happened to you, and it angered me that someone would speak without thought or consideration but then, I have spent a lifetime trying to understand why people do this. I left a link to one of my posts that may help you through…we can not change the hurt others cause us, only the way we choose to react to it or how we allow it to affect us.

    I am glad that you are finding time to share and the person who spoke with such disregard for your feelings…obviously they have nothing better to do in THEIR own life. I can only have compassion for someone so thoughtless. Keep blogging! : )

    Another Hug,

  4. I was wandering around WordPress and ran into your post, and was touched by it.

    I’d like to hope that your friend wasn’t being intentionally mean with her remark. Perhaps it was one of those times where you say what pops into your head, without thinking about how it sounds. Who knows.

    What I do know, though, is that she’s obviously not blogged, and has no idea of how meaningful it is to the blogger. Yeah, sure, we all want people to read our blogs, and hope that those who do read it find us interesting. But, I think it’s more than that. It’s a way for many of us to talk to other people. You mention in your bio that your husband is a trucker, and, also that you’ve moved away from friends and family. There’s a sense of loneliness about that. So, it only makes sense that you share the things with the Blog that you’d have normally shared with your friends and family. And, maybe it’s a way to meet new people as well, even if you only talk to them in the comments section.

    A few years ago I gave up my job to take care of my 88 year old mother. I have no other siblings, and my father died 30+ years ago, so it’s just the two of us (and my partner, too). For me, blogging is a way to communicate with others, since I don’t get much chance to see many of the people I know. You and I may blog about different things, but, I think that maybe we blog for some of the same reasons (I suspect many of us blog for the same reasons)

    The nice thing about your blogging is that you have this wonderful record of what you’re doing with your daughter, with your crafts, and sharing who you are. This record is something that will always be there for your daughter to see (so don’t ever delete it!) I think it would be interesting to know what kinds of things my mom would have blogged about, if there had been such a thing when I was growing up.

    I hope that at some point in time your friend comes to realize that blogging can be the Best Thing to do.

    Good luck with your blog!

    • John,

      it took me two days to respond because I was so touched by what you said. I had to digest it a little bit.

      You are very perceptive and I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said. I believe that so many of us are lonely… maybe most of us are, in one way or another.

      Maybe ‘lonely’ isn’t always the right word. We are reaching out to other people, looking for a connection.
      You can be surrounded by a sea of humanity and still be longing for a connection with one other person who understands what you are about. Or who just supports you.

      I thank God I have that in my husband and I am that much more blessed to have received such positive feedback on this blog. I have always intended to keep this and hopefully someday Violet will appreciate this diary of our lives. Until then, I will keep recording it.

      Thank you!

      • I would agree with you that ‘lonely’ might be the wrong word, that it’s more a seeking of a connection. The more I think about that, the more I think you’re right … it’s not really about feeling alone as it is about feeling a need to know that there are others out there who ‘get you’. I’m glad that you didn’t feel that I was some weird person leaving long, rambling comments on your blog. 🙂

        As I mentioned before, you and I may blog about different topics, but, for what it’s worth, just know that I “get you” and wholeheartedly support your blogging adventures!

  5. Someone once told me the best way to make people see your perspective is to challenge their assumptions by asking a question. That being said, I can think of a few that would be apropos. For example, perhaps ask her ‘Are hobbies really a waste of one’s time, do you think?’ Or perhaps ask her if her friends’ approval is required when she decides to take a few minutes for herself to do something fun each day?’
    Pixie, you don’t owe her, or anyone, an explanation. Furthermore, I think more people would be less miserable if they followed your example and DID take time to put energy into things they love each day. Maybe they would be putting out more positive energy and making everyone else’s light shine a little brighter instead of trying to snuff them out.
    Have a lovely time blogging and do it for yourself -no explanations, no justifications!

    • Those would have been great questions to ask her. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that don’t think of the perfect thing to say until ten minutes later when I’m driving away in my car.
      Thank you for the kind words. They mean a lot. 🙂

  6. This is your grandma and reading our blog evry day to me is wonderful. I miss out on so many things because all my family lives so far away and would give anything to see all my grandkids every day . I love to hear what you and Violet are doing and one thing I miss is seeing what the older grandkids do in school. I never see their sport games or school plays . So please, please keep up your blogging. It

    makes this 91 year old grandma’s day. Love you. Granny Jane

  7. WOW!!! I didjn’t know I could do that. I’m so surprised to see it on my
    Computer. I loved reding the others compent about our blog. I’m sure your ‘friend’ never moved fr away from home when she ws young. I know what it is to m,ove every three years and have to depend on your new friends to be your famly..

    Love you , gramajane

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